My friend Bethany had started a tradition and shared it with my family a few years back. At the beginning of each year, pick a word that you want to characterize your year. The sad thing is, as I’m sitting here reflecting I can barely remember what my word was for 2018. I am pretty sure it was “Determined”. I wanted to go into the start of 2018 determined to finish what I started in 2017, and to be determined to stick with my goals for the new year. Well, for the first season of 2018 I stuck with my word. I finished out the hardest experience of my life. I graduated culinary school, and made an A on my final project, my capstone. That was in April.
After April, well let’s say that June and July were a whirlwind. Graduation, my first vacation with my boyfriends family, the summer trip to Disney with my family, and my first real job out of culinary school. Unfortunately it did not turn out like I had hoped. I was just a tool, my talent was abused and not appreciated. I was under worked because the staff that were on work visas, got prioritized. It was a good experience, I always gain knowledge of the kind of business i want to run in the future, as well of the kind of community I want to promote within my staff. It is very rare to find employers, and a company community with the same values that I have. I probably could have made it through the end of their season, but it came down to a morality issue. I could not work for someone who publicly was an adulterer and wasn’t fired, but his co-part was, because she wasn’t “the boss”.
The third chapter of my year started when I started at the 1889 White Gate Inn, my current job. Here, I am a head chef and kitchen manager. I run the entire culinary operation for this Inn. The menu planning, budgeting, shopping, executing, and all the extras in between. This job allows a lot of freedom, which is wonderful. I took this job because of the title. Not because I needed the title, but because it would set me up for my future. Working under the title of head chef/ kitchen manager for over a year will look great on my resume. It will open up the doors to having corporate management positions that offer a better salary, benefits, and a more family friendly schedule for when I’m ready to start a family later in life.
Then everything kinda fell apart. Work is not as free and fulfilling as it used to be, but I’m still determined to make it a year there at least. I wish that was the worst of it, but it’s not. My mom got diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. You may be wondering what that has to do with me. Well, when mom got diagnosed she realized through researching that I was exhibiting most of the Hashimoto’s symptoms as well. So then I had to play a waiting game, when I finally decided on a new doctor to be able to diagnose me, I was told that the earliest appointment I could get was three weeks away. So I waited. When I finally had my appointment, my doctor was reluctant and rude when I asked to be tested for the TPO antibodies, but I was determined. My results came back relatively okay. As of this point I do not have Hashimoto’s. However, I am at risk for having it, and I may have had possible adrenal fatigue as well. So, my marching orders were to de-stress. To keep my cortisol levels down and to reduce my anxiety. A few weeks later I am taking a walk with my boyfriend and henry, our pup. I had been doing yoga, I had been diffusing and using essential oils to help balance my stress. I was actively working on letting things go, not worrying about things outside of my control, and not taking so many things as a personal offense. I was determined, I was happy. Then I get a call, that my best friend has died. Then I learn that he didn’t just die, but he was murdered. I love on his family, I speak at his funeral. I am afraid. I am afraid to let myself grieve, because i’m afraid that my body won’t be able to handle it. At the same time I feel like I can’t grieve because I don’t feel like he could really be gone. He was supposed to be on his way home in a couple of weeks, just in time for my birthday. I turned 21 this year. I am officially an adult. I had an amazing birthday. I got to spend it with all the people I love. My Mimi and Pap, my parents and my sister, my boyfriend and henry, and my boyfriends family. I felt so loved, so happy, yet so sad. The rest of the year seemed to go by in a blur. Christmas is my favorite time of year, but this year it seemed to slip up on my and sneak away too quickly. I don’t know if I quite lived up to my word of the year, I definitely was not determined about my health goals for the year. I am ready to leave 2018 behind. As it went on I can tell i’ve slipped further into a depression, unhealthy eating habits, and my cortisol levels are back up. I have a lot of unfinished business to work on in 2019, and I hope you all are ready for what’s in store.
This is what I learned in 2018.
- Don’t set goals you aren’t actually determined to meet.
- Don’t take anyone in your life for granted. They chose to love you, and chose to be apart of your life, so be grateful.
- Get a dog.
- Food won’t always make you feel better.
- It’s okay to not feel like listening to music, it’s not okay to stop others.
- You can not get through this world alone. If you don’t have a support system, find one.
- God is still the same, today, tomorrow, and yesterday.
So, stay tuned for my next post. I will let you know my word for next year. Any guesses?
XOXO
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